Secrets for Snickers

I have had quite a few BTS dreams over the years, but this is the first one I'm posting here as it's the most recent. I had this dream during the early hours of this morning.

For context, last night I watched some episodes of ‘Always a Witch’ on Netflix, among them, one was set in the past when there was a kind of traveling carnival freakshow and I had a moment of Deja-vu. I rewound it a few seconds to replay the moment, like running my fingers over an old bump or scar I never noticed on my skin before, to see if it felt the same. It did. I focused on the feeling, trying to track its origin and concluded I’d actually lived at a time like this at some point, and only felt a glimpse of the moment that I could remember being lucid, like a photograph.


Far down a long dirt road, from a white Antebellum mansion in the distance, somewhere in the deep south of the U.S. during 1800-something in the spring. There was a big weeping willow on the east side of the dirt road wafting in the breeze as somebody did magic tricks or some sort of show for us in this gravelly dirt area, across the street from the tree. I don’t recall whether I was white or black. I felt white, though, because I was complacent. I didn’t see any slaves, but there were some common folk among us in the crowd, and I was aware that slaves did exist. As the sun began to set, the sky was so clear you could see for miles and the fiery orange and pink light washed over the dazzling traveling magic performance and us in the crowd, from the west, while the perfect breeze accompanied the sweet scent of spring blooms and honeysuckle on an otherwise humid day, especially at the time where corsets and bustles were a thing. I think I only remembered it, because the air was perfectly magical in that moment. That’s all I remember though. Not my name, where I was from, if I was young or old, or married, or widowed or divorced or gay or straight or where I lived or died for that matter. Only that moment.

I still do that sometimes, though. I become lucid, and fully present in a moment, with all of my heart, mind, and will, focusing on every part of it, JUST to register the reality of it. It feels like quicksaving at a checkpoint. It only lasts for a second, but it’s like taking a snapshot, I think. Because I guess Deja-vu works like that.

Anyway, in the dream I was a showgirl. The event was carnival/circus-like. I don’t remember preparing for the performance, I was just doing it as came naturally to me. The spotlight came on and I slowly unwrapped a snickers bar. The music was playing (it wasn’t goofy circus music but had a mysterious feel to it like the music in Ocarina of Time in the Windmill hut- it wasn’t that song but it had that feel to it). I began a very ornate and spirited gypsy dance through a crowd of people that were amassed, following a wide meandering path that was only defined by where the people weren’t standing. Like, there was an open path, but it was formed by the crowd of people.

As I danced, I took a delightful bite of the snickers, turning my attention to the crowd of faces and taunting the strangers with a show of how good the candy was. Straight away, from the crowd emerged J-Hope and Jin, with a hunger in their eyes, but not creepy or gross, more like when you tell kids you have candy. They began following my dance, dancing around me, and with me in interpretive, modern movements that look like near-misses and almost-stumbles and I rounded a corner before stopping at another juncture to take another heavenly bite of that chocolate like it was the greatest candy bar in the world.

Rap-mon emerged with Suga and Jimin, joining the dance, with that same hunger, they circled me and one by one they would get close enough to want a taste but be thwarted by having to keep up with the motion so we could maintain the illusion that we were dancing, and not engaged in actual chaos by bumping into each other. Finally, as we move along the path, while they’re all following and circling around me engaged in phantom fights with themselves and the ground and the air and mimicking mirrored actions of each other, I take a third bite, capturing V and JK from the crowd and they join the impassioned dance, looking at me, like kids who want ice cream, cake, candy, sweets.

They just want a bite, because the way I was eating it made it look so good. Not in a sexy way- maybe it could have been interpreted that way, but I wasn’t teasing by eating it sexily, so much as I was eating it like, it was the best candy I’d ever had. I’d even venture to say I ate it aggressively, and chewed it like I’d wandered the desert for years and it was the first food I’d come into contact with in that time. They just wanted a piece. It didn’t matter that I had bitten into it, they didn’t care that my mouth was on it (lol). I could see it in their eyes, the hunger, but not like wolves, like starving, deprived orphan children. And as the music crescendoed and the dance intensified, their motions flowed in a circle surrounding me, like water and they led me, dancing over, under, behind and around me, seamlessly passing me through their dance, with their eyes trained on that snickers bar until I finally spun around and raised my hand up high in the center of their circle surrounding me, the spotlight focused on the candy bar and they were all looking at it expectantly like they had a tentative relationship with hope. Like they were afraid to hope. And I slowly lowered my hand, holding it out to them so they could have it. Their eyes were so big, they were shining, when some-random-body; A Korean man who is probably one of their staff, walked in from the crowd and snatched it from my hand and simply said “No.”

Then I woke up.

To be fair, the song we were dancing to could have been Black Swan (love that song BTW)- it has the mysterious vibe to it, but I don’t remember what the music was-Only that the tempo and timing of that particular song would have matched up perfectly with the dance.