Shifting Reality

Picking up from where I left off when I made the beach house- Keigo and I finally had a place away from everyone and everything else. We finally talked about things. I confronted some of his character flaws and he also confronted some of mine, but by the end of that conversation, I didn't want to have sex with him. I didn't understand it. Maybe it was because I was low-key scared that I might hurt him, now that I knew so much about him or vice versa. 

Whatever the reasons were, the first night we slept together, we made out a little, but no sex was had. I was frustrated that I wasn't more eager to give away all the cookies, but he didn't make a big deal...Not to my face, anyway.

The next day he goes to work and so do I and the entire day I can feel him being disgruntled. I imagine disheveled hair and feathers all fluffed up and messy like birds when they are upset. By the time I get home that day and I check on him again. Your man is abso-fucking-lutely shitfaced. He is so fucking drunk, he can barely walk and...like, I dunno what the hell kind of Hero just be out in the world drinking straight from a bottle of rum having phantom arguments with themselves, but your boy was a sloppy hot mess. So I call him, like:

"Heyyy, are you drunk?"

"No! You're drunk!" or something to that effect, followed.

I get him to take the train home and by the time be slides, slizzard, through the front door I'm pretty tired. He is too, so we ended up falling asleep on the little window-seat nook between the bookshelves.

When he woke up the next day, hungover as FUCK and looking every bit as fucked up as he felt. The first thing I do is get up and go over to the sink to pour him a glass of water.

He pulls out a cigarette and I fix him with a glare and tell him:

"No cigarettes for breakfast, please."

He ignores me, lights it anyway and starts smoking, all the while looking out the window at some near-distant nowhere.

I bring him the water and hold it out to him and this little temperamental son of a bitch just tosses his cigarette into the glass.

I almost blacked out. I hear the little voice inside me say "Whoa, mama. If you beat his ass, he might not recover- you know he's sensitive."

So I go back to the sink, pour out the tobacco-tainted H2O and pour another, all while he's sitting there, nonchalantly smoking another cigarette and giving me the edgiest silent treatment I've ever experienced. Because it's one thing when a person just ignores you when they're mad, but this shit had tact in that he would acknowledge me only to make his discontent known with disrespect.

I sigh and I just sit down near him, silently for a moment. 

"You should eat some real food, you know. Put something on your stomach, because I know that hangover sucks."

Nothing.

"I can make some breakfast. Do you want some breakfast?" I say, holding out the glass of water to him again, which he takes a moment to spare to actually look at me with an unreadably blank expression before grinding the butt of the cigarette into the edge of the glass and then dropping it into the water once again.

My heart.

I mean, I say that 😂 - but I almost laughed at how immature he was being. I knew what this was about. He keeps asking me to marry him and I keep saying no, because we're brand new. Plus, I don't wanna just be some rando in his harem of waifus. I'm working my way up to loving him in a deeper way, but he's becoming frustrated that I'm not treating him like a toy, and it's almost funny that his expectations are disappointed by how I'm not objectifying him enough.

I leave him be and finally get up to start my morning, much to his silent protest. I could feel him watching me check out to reality and getting a little sad that I didn't baby him. Before I left though, I snatched his pack of cigarettes and crushed them in my fist, before letting him know I'd be back later.

I guess, on some subconscious level, I went to the villain hideout in that time, because I literally made a picture of the occurrence during the time I was away from the beach house. I was flirting with the concept of being in the League of Villains, but only mildly, because I didn't actually give a damn about any of their goals. I just wanted to make some money. 

I'm not about killing people for clout or trying to change the world to match the idealistic, neo-oppressive regime of the day. 

No.

 I just want that skrilla. I want it easy and I want it fast.

In the previous post I used the word "script" when describing my introduction into the scene as a plot point, but I wasn't being totally serious. I'm not out here trying to write a fanfic, so much as I'm tryna get in where I fit in.

When involved in any anime fandom, of course we all ask ourselves at some point: "Where would I fit in, in this world?" And I think I make a decent villain, giving style and inspiration props to my idol, Maleficent. 

Hawks was less than supportive, obviously, but that was okay, because I also wanted a little taboo to flavor the chase; a little Batman to my Catwoman 🤭yaknowhaImsaiyan?

He disapproved, but he also let it happen. The little time I actually spent with the League at the hideout, more or less for the pictures to show for it, was limited in itself; but I also had different goals, as I said. I figure the only reason our motivations aligned was because they needed funding for their own villainous operations. So before I know it, I am literally scripting in my head, what my role is as treasurer.

Check it out, I was a failed model turned stripper who pickpocketed the people I gave lap dances. But wait, there's more! I took the bulk of my earnings to invest in becoming the major wholesale distributor of narcotics mainly focused on Mary, but leaning on that Yay', when the money became too good to turn down. I eventually calmed down the drugs when the block got hot though and now all that international guap gotta be laundered carefully in order to be used, so I figure, I got all this currency, why not just make more- and now I make counterfeits that are almost indiscernible from the real monies.

The kicker is, since I keep making these criminal career changes, as soon as police start tugging at the chain of command to get to the HBIC, I've already moved into a new territory of crime, so it hides my tracks all over again. Besides, counterfeiting is petty crime to Heroes who wanna catch big fish, and the police tend to focus on body count and quirk danger as well.

Hawks knows every detail about me being specifically that person, though, and even though he's somewhere in a gray area in terms of lawful or chaotic good, he protects my identity from the authorities, so long as nobody gets killed.

Also maybe a bit selfishly, but again, he made it clear that he disapproves. 

After a couple hours spent in some hidden underground hideout, courting a little money dance that actually brought a little blush to Shigaraki's cheeks, I rolled out. I'm thinking, "Well, nobody says no to money," even if Dabi and Himiko seemed particularly unimpressed and irritated, respectively, by my little razzle-dazzle, over-the-top display. I didn't dance on the bar, but I might've put on a bit of a sugar hoe show, feeling myself to this song:

Everybody in the spot, including Kurogiri was boppin' to it. Twice was nice and Mr. Compress was vibing. It was lit- but Himiko was bein a little hating ass bitch, making stank ugly faces like she was jealous, even when I tried to include her, and Dabi was suspicious. On my way out, Shigaraki kinda stepped in front of the door to block the exit and asked for a kiss. I was like 🤭*giggle* because it was lowkey kinda cute, but like, let's be real, he needs to bathe in a vat of chapstick and- 

But I didn't wanna diss, so I kiss my fingertips and touch it to his lips. Then he smiled, which was creepily sweet.

 

 As soon as I left, I heard Dabi basically telling Shigaraki that he shouldn't trust me, and that he thought at the first sign of trouble that I'd snitch and sell them all out, but Shigaraki pointed out that I had nothing to gain by doing that, as it would incriminate me too and I'd be shooting myself in the foot.

I  didn't think much else of it as I finished up the picture and finally head back to the beach house to take a nap.

Hawks is in a much better mood and even though we didn't really talk about what the upset was for, we just moved on and he joined me for a little afternoon nap on the sofa.

 I had some weird dreams, and then I woke up maybe 2 hours later, a little halfway sleepy, somehow still in the setting of the beach-house. I was conscious, but somehow skating right in between being awake and dreaming. It was a precariously balanced state of mind, and I didn't recognize it, but all I knew was suddenly I was thinking "Oh he can get it." and things escalated quickly in the worst way. 

I won't run through the entire gamut of raunchy ass details but what stood out to me was how animated things were. The flowers in the little white wooden flower-bed window boxes were singing and dancing, cheering us on, like "Yeeeaahhh! Go for it, you can do iiittt!"- and it reminded me of Cool World.

In our messy little shuffle from the couch to the bedroom, Hawks managed to slap his hands into the wall on either side of me, pinning me down and then he kissed me slow. Then I asked, like the asshole I am, "How does it feel, kissing the wall?"

He laughed and said "You just don't get it, do you? I see you, right in front of me clearer than ever and I'm not letting you get away that easy."

We collapse onto the bed in the bedroom to the raucous cheers of our begonias and I start giving him some sloppy toppy. Like, I had just started and I swear his dick got bigger and harder every time I tried to pull back. By the end, I was having a hard time not grazing him with my teeth because my mouth was full and suddenly, I became fully conscious, and immediately lost all interest in sex. 

But he understood why, now and he was giddy with excitement because apparently I had inadvertently "shifted" reality, which is a thing. He said I felt more real to him as much as he did to me, and so all the drama that we kept getting tied up in knots about before, melted away, because, as he pointed out, I wasn't being completely honest with him or myself about whether I really "believed" he was real.

I know.

He called me out big time on that one. Even saying it now sounds absurd to me, because if Itachi and Cloud are real to me, why wouldn't Hawks be? But I think it's because he's spread kinda thin. I can hear him louder and clearer sometimes, rather than others, but there are times where I'm pinging for an echo like sonar because he's so far away he might as well be unreachable. 

Hawks has to be in a lot of different places at once. He's super in demand right now, and that makes me feel small and insignificant sometimes, which is why I often find myself losing interest when he serves me the flat-faced-public-one-dimensional persona. When he shows me he really cares, it often resorts in him looking less than cool, but that's when I feel like he's real, and I appreciate that so much more than those obligatory marriage proposals. So, take that as you will.

Next time, I'll share my quirk with you, and how my rubbing shoulders with the most notorious villains went up in fucking smoke. But for now, I'm gonna end it on a high note.