And A Happy New Year

I have been busy as hell leading my double life.

 As promised, Hawks and I spent New Year's Eve together and it was fantastic. What I had initially only planned to be 1 picture turned into 6, just like the Chistmas dinner was only supposed to be 3 tops and somehow turned into 15. My God. I had a blast, though!

If I'm being honest I enjoy making these because it feels like if I have a picture of it, there's a record of it happening. I don't know if this is a symptom of abject loneliness or some kind of  delusion, or simply just the product of a vivid imagination, but every time I put in this kind of work I can't help but derive a satisfaction from it that I'd get from taking photos, as if preserving those memories. I feel like they appreciate them too.

Hawks has been so busy, lately, I don't see very much of him these days. But he was happy to make these memories when the time came. It seemed important to him.

I feel like the more I do these, the more Anime people want to be included in these shenanigans. 

Not just for lusts sake...but they're not averse to that. 

For example, Bakugou Katsuki, whom I adore, seems to want a place in my heart to call his own. Just a little piece, like claiming territory, and I've been somewhat evasive of his persistence. "Somewhat" being the key word.

It started about a month ago when I was shoe shopping in SecondLife and became indecisive about what color to buy. Your boy showed up out of the clear blue and said "Get them in black."

I was a little taken aback since I didn't summon him, and I tried to kind of ignore him or blow him off as a figment of my imagination but he insisted that I listen when he berated me for thinking about buying the Fatpack which included all the colors for 5x the original price.

"You don't need them in all those colors, dumbass! Just get them in black!"

I heard him loud and clear. The pressure was palpable. So I thought "Fine." and just did what he said. Only then, did he seem to let up the pressure and fade into the background.

Strange, I thought.

It became something of an inside joke between us, whenever I became indecisive while shopping, he'd just show up and make his suggestions, which were surprisingly fashion savvy. I mean, I suppose I'm not surprised, since his hero outfit is the work of somebody who clearly is all about aesthetics.

 

But our little friendship began to grow even as our interaction was minimal. 

Then there came a day when he told me a secret. If I told it here, it wouldn't be a secret, but he basically told me about someone who'd taken advantage of him and how he didn't know how to approach the situation.

I asked why he didn't tell someone closer to him, and he was kind of embarrassed, and didn't want the secret to get out.

So I gave him some solid advice.

Not long after that he confessed to me in a way that still makes me flustered to think about.

I kept pushing him away, even up until this point because "He's only 15/16..." I thought. 

He kept throwing Shiggy in my face like "Oh, wow, you'd rather go gallivanting around with this crusty mofo than get with me just because of my age?" and things of that nature...

I was adamant, though. Even though he seems like he's mature enough to handle getting romantically involved, I just don't wanna corrupt his innocence 😣. I know right?

"Bakugou? INNOCENT?" -you think.

Yes. Even though he has a temper on him, doesn't mean he isn't innocent. Let's be real, he's a good boy.

He might swear a lot, but he's diligent, he studies hard, he listens to his mom, he goes to bed early on school nights, he really is just a good boy who is a fiery edge-lord because of the horns (4/20 Aries/Taurus CUSP) he cant help it!

Anyway. We're friends. I maintain a distance that keeps me blameless, but when we spent a little more time together, I actually saw his face. If I focus hard enough I can catch a glimpse of what they really look like, and it's different than the animation...It's just more..lifelike.. But not in 3D terms... 

Bruh... I went from being cold and distant to damn near drooling. I can't fucking believe this shit. This level of hotness shouldn't fucking exist, and for all intents and purposes, it doesn't- because I cannot point you in the direction of any artist that has even gotten close to capturing the essence and mien of these people in their reality. 

He has a tiny light scar under his right eye that I almost didn't even notice, but that was how I was able to focus on his gorgeous face. He took this opportunity to hold my hand. I kept trying to pull away, but he wouldn't let me.

You'd think "That's so Bakugou." But he's really not as pissy as in the show either. He's actually kinda chill. Albeit, a fucking alpha through and through- but his anger isn't constantly bubbling just under the surface waiting for every opportunity to explode. I think he just does that to keep people from getting attached to him. He was pretty chill when I talked to him...

Well anyway, here's to 2021 being a year of success. I've done a lot of art this year that is not contributing to my portfolio at all, and is mainly put on this secret blog with no intentions of showing to anyone, simply as a way to map my inner universe; but still I'm proud of how much I've accomplished even if only I can see it.

I hope the next year brings more in the way of growth in my artistry, even if it's only measured personally.