A Heated Confession

Two days ago, the landscape of our new residence has shifted again.

My head is still spinning. I can't remember how the topic came up or what prompted the conversation, except that I was at Cloud and Itachi's house, talking about the decor. 

A little over a week ago, when I was first moving them in and furnishing their individual rooms, there was a computer desk that Itachi was being bratty about and essentially didn't want to share.

Cloud gave up the desk without a fight and I was like "Don't worry, Cloud, I'll give you another desk."

and Cloud said "It's fine. He knows he's got me wrapped around his little finger."

To which Itachi responded more or less like this:

Cheeky

I didn't think much of it, honestly. They have been living together harmoniously for over a year now. They have always gotten along well and I've never even so much as seen or heard them disagree. You know Cloud is a strong silent type of guy, and Itachi is too, but they are very friendly and familiar with each other and always laughing.

Early on when Cloud moved in,  the relationship dynamic between Itachi and I was a little bit strange for a while. It would seem like it'd turn into bang-fest 2020, but I was conscious of being too eager to jump in the sack just on impulse. Over time, Cloud, more or less kept to himself, in his room, but he would come out to eat meals, watch TV/ movies or play video games. He sincerely started off as a roommate but gradually, over the course of a year, they became best friends.

Cloud has such a loyal personality but he is hard to read. I was talking to Lian just the other day, singing Cloud's praises about how he's basically the goodest of boys. Always considerate and respectful. The type of man to keep his word no matter what.

When St. Elsewhere went down, Cloud  made himself scarce. I think he even went back to stay with Tifa for a few days at some point.

When I finally made another sim, he was home sporadically, but Cloud is one wolf who doesn't need a leash. We don't ask him where he goes, we just know he'll come back eventually.

The other day I remember him coming out of his room and into the kitchen, not actually expecting him to be home- and I'm sorry, I wish I could remember how it began, but all I remember is his confession. I can't remember if it started in the kitchen or the dining room, but it all came spilling out at once, emphatic and empassioned, from the mouth of he who is sparing of his words. 

"I'm in love with you...."

He was talking to Itachi.

 I looked at him, my eyes huge, sparkling with anticipation. Cloud was blushing furiously, looking like he was painfully on the verge of passing out. Itachi was stunned. He stood there, his dark brows seemingly suspended in midair, while his mouth hung agape in abject shock.

He looked terrified, and then hastily walked outside.

I was shook.

I looked at Cloud, who was clearly in the middle of the hardest thing he's ever had to do, burning hot with embarrassment, it seemed, at first, but he didn't lose face, and instead his expression was one of determination as he stood up and followed Itachi who was sitting on the sand in the front yard, trying to process what he'd just heard.

Cloud sat next to him, close enough that they were touching.

"I mean it. I really am in love with you."

"But you're not gay!" Itachi emphasized in his deep voice.

"No. I'm not. But I know I'm in love with you. I've been holding it back for so long, I never knew how to say it..."

You'd think Itachi would have been eager and excited, but I could see he was terrified of losing Cloud's friendship. Over the past year, they'd become close as brothers. Then, as if out of the clear blue sky, this happened.

 Itachi felt blindsided.

"Cloud..." he began, his usually deep, soothing voice beginning to crack with emotion.

"Itachi, I don't want an experiment. I know you might not think I'm serious, but I want to be with you. It may seem out of nowhere, but I've been holding back my feelings for over a year. I was a little confused at first, but I've been sure for a long time, now." He said, "I know I'm not gay... but I want you. If that makes me gay, then fine, I'm gay- but you're the one I want. There is no one else like you, there's only one you."

I'm like legit about to cry. It was so romantic.

At this point, Itachi is speechless, but the emotions are too much to bear. Cloud kisses him with all the passion and catharsis of finally being able to kiss the one you love after keeping it a secret for a year. They kissed and kissed and kissed some more.

Cloud was not shy. As a matter of fact, Itachi, being the modest little princess he is (seriously) was quickly overwhelmed by just how eager Cloud was to have him. 

Keep in mind, Itachi only knows he's gay conceptually. He has limited sexual experience in general. Even after 4 years of  being in a relationship with me is a narrow scope for comparison simply because we didn't  have sex often.

It was clear that Cloud was much more deeply in love than either Itachi or I ever knew as he embraced him, kissing Itachi with such passion that he melted away any thoughts of resistance before giving in to more or less being  "man-handled" by Cloud. By "man-handled" I mean, it's an awkward procession trying to figure out who's the "girl" in any gay relationship, but these men are both men who respect each other's masculinity. SO there was a bit of fumbling during the kiss in a brief dance of dominance before Cloud kissed him in that way that boys do that make your knees go weak. You know what I mean. Like they can't live without you?

Itachi was putty after that.

It didn't stop either.

Between deep slow kisses, the usually quiet Cloud Strife was saying so many impossibly sweet things that he'd clearly been holding inside for so long, because it was killing him.

Itachi was crying now, but they were tears of joy. I could see in him, his fears and insecurities melt away as Cloud whispered to him sweetly that he was everything he wanted and needed.

It was a shock to me, but even more for Itachi.

The more I thought about it, it seemed awfully convenient that this would happen now, after Lian and Itachi were in a bit of a tug of war for dominance.

I wondered if this was somehow his doing...

At some point, Cloud became so hot while they were making out (as hot as you imagine, maybe hotter) that he literally needed to go cool off, and Itachi did too. So he comes outside with me and walks into the pool, cooling off as he does and his eyes suddenly become dreamy as he floats on his back in the water, his blue eyes reflecting the sky, and says with a breathless and quiet reverence "He loves me back! He loves me back...Can you believe...he likes me too? I cant believe it..."

The contented smile on his face in that moment, I'll never forget that expression. Truly, to see him make such a face, his beauty was simply indescribable.

While I had them separated, I asked Cloud if Xie Lian had anything to do with his confession. Cloud sighed.

When the last Book Club Tea Party ended, Cloud confided in me that as he was leaving Lian slapped his butt. Not hard, but just to see his reaction. 

He immediately blushed, looking embarrassed- but as cool and calm as Cloud is, his temper only flared through his nostrils, then Lian caught his eyes darting a moment, to Itachi who was just out of an earshot at the time with his back to them, which was when Lian simply said, 

"You should tell him." and walked away without another word.

Still, the confession didn't come about right after that. Cloud was scarce as per usual a few days after that.

Once the cat was out of the bag though, Cloud simply had no interest in playing platonic any longer. He had to be holding Itachi's hand, kissing his lips, his neck, touching his hair. 

Ah, his hair!... His hair, his hair, his hair! 

Trust me, Cloud, I get it.

But Itachi still seemed stand-offish emphasizing that Cloud simply is not gay.

"I'm not gay." Cloud agreed, with his arms tightening around Itachi's waist, "I'm in love with you."

"But he's a man. Isn't that gay, Cloud?" I interjected playing the Devil's advocate.

"I never saw Zack, Angeal or even Sephiroth as Attractive, and after being in denial for a long time, I finally came to the conclusion that Sephiroth wants me." he began "I've always been comfortable with my sexuality. I was married to Tifa for over 50 years- I spent a lifetime with her. Even now, I'm still attracted to women...but Itachi...there's only one Itachi and he's a he. More importantly, I wouldn't change that fact."

He kissed him. " The label doesn't scare me."

"But, Cloud, I don't want people to think that way about you. You don't know what it's like to be seen as 'gay'! " Itachi emphasized

"What, and you do? You've told me at length about  Shisui and *Link and you're not exactly a seasoned vet, either Itachi."

(*I never talked about the situation with Link on this blog because it was a sore subject with Itachi for a long time) 

"That's not the point, Cloud, I know I'm gay!"

"If wanting to be with you is gay, then I'm gay. I don't care anymore."

He relayed some of the times over the past year when he was bursting to tell him. Suddenly, Cloud's confession didn't seem so random anymore. A lot of the times, I wasn't home when these things happened, but as Itachi was reminded of these anecdotes I could see the corners of his lips curling into the sweetest smile, under his hand while he fixed himself to look contemplative. I was clearly stunned to find out, as I had no idea.

"There were nights I was dying to come into your room and crawl into your bed just to hold you..."

"... Remember that one time you were cooking breakfast and I hugged you from behind... I was close to telling you that day... but you didn't notice.."

"...Itachi, did you really not know?" Cloud asked with his face gently cradled between his hands.

"Well..."

Truth be told, there were incidences that would raise an eyebrow to the outside observer. I had mentioned  in a previous post how they would make out like drunk chicks at a party in front of me sometimes. But Cloud is cheeky like that. Itachi clearly only ever responded to it like it was a game and it was performative (I was always the reason for it). So he naturally didn't take this into account.

Another thing, though, that I found out much more recently (circa January) was that Itachi and Cloud had actually "hooked up" twice. I was a little pissed off when I found out, because I had made some offhand statement about Itachi's virginal purity and he just started blushing and looking guilty and I was like wtf aren't you telling me?

And he confessed that it had gotten lonely at the treehouse when I didn't come for  few weeks, and in that time, They'd simply blown off some steam together.

Though that seems like crossing the line, it wasn't as if they hadn't kissed before, and there are certain things that boys can commit to without feeling awkward afterward if they just want to get off. They simply traded handshakes and went back to playing video games and eating pizza as per usual.

But apparently, Cloud went to great lengths to keep it from becoming awkward by reinforcing their friendship after these isolated incidences, which made him feel 10 times worse. After feeling a sample of what love would be like, to go back to a close friendship, paled in comparison. Even though he spent more platonic time with Itachi, to  offset things from becoming awkward- The more time spent, the more difficult it became for Cloud to pretend..

Itachi recounted he did seem a bit more blushy recently, but other than that, he was more or less, clueless. 

Cloud was holding him like he really had resisted for as long as he could bear. He couldn't be away from him.

About a week ago, I randomly came across a YouTube video detailing an anonymous Redditor's confession where, he, a straight man his entire life,  had fallen in love with his gay roommate and did not know how to address the situation.

Cloud reminded us both of the video before confessing that listening to that shit almost killed him.

"Awwh!" I squealed for the umpteenth time feeling really proud, and a little envious, I admit.

Not for the reasons you think. I'm not jealous. I don't think either of their feelings for me has changed at all, but there is a part of me that sees them together without me and I wish I could know what that's like.

Because it looks...

Delicious.

Anyway.. For the sake of keeping  these sweet memories intact, have a reminder of what life was like at Christmas and look forward to the blossoming and flourishing of this new love. 

Just in case you forget how gorgeous.

Apparently this joke was filthy (I just know the gist of what was said) )

Awwwwwh! My heart!

I love you both.

I have high hopes for them. They are both very genuine people and if I wasn't in the middle of a wedding already, I'd be announcing another one to come.

Both of them are pretty lowkey when it comes to these things, but don't get it twisted, Cloud was clear about wanting forever.

He. Is. Actually. Serious.

Go Cloud! Make me proud!🎉

P.S. I just remembered this and thought it was so cute and funny, but I forgot to mention it. I had a lot of questions, because to be honest, I didn't see this coming. I asked why Cloud didn't go to the wedding, since he and Pocahontas had at least crossed paths before in Kingdom Hearts- they were at least acquainted, I assumed. In truth I don't know if they ever met, in the game, but I do know that he knew who she was before Keigo met her.

Cloud was telling me he basically spent hours in front of his bedroom mirror, while listening, tracking Itachi's footsteps upstairs so he wouldn't surprise him while he practiced trying to ask him to go to Pocahontas and Keigo's wedding with him... but in the end after  too many failed tries to count, he couldn't muster up the courage... 

But, My God.

My heart cannot take thiiisss!

Talk about sincerely fucking precious.