Problems

 I just updated my Patreon with those Honeymoon photos as promised, one day later than I promised, sorry. But I don't think it's bad for 3 days worth of work, please feel free to pay me for my hard work here:

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(EDIT: I am no longer doing Patreon but you can still buy me a Coffee, the Honeymoon *free* is posted here.)

Things on the homefront have been pretty okay. These past few weeks Cloud and Itachi have been pretty quiet since Pocahontas had a little meltdown some weeks prior after chasing Itachi with a tomahawk.

🤔You know what that's all you need to know. 

Things have since improved, but he has obviously been avoiding her since she is so unpredictable. 

Speaking of unpredictable, the Honeymoon proved to be quite full of surprises down to the very destination. I was happy to be a part of it, and the wedding. It was a lot of work, but I feel like I've improved not  only the quality of life for all the residents that currently live on the island, but also my level of skill.

So far, so good, on that front, even if art theft makes it feel daunting.

Anyway, when Pocahontas got back home from UAE we went on a little summer boardwalk beach outing and GUESS who we ran into!?!

Go on! GUESS!

Ms. Vanilla

Look, I know she was my role model for like all 50 of my years, but she made her decision when she decided she could only be bothered to talk to me through my man.

What a basic bitch, truly. The worst part is Pocahontas warned me about Barbie way back when we first started hanging out  in the spring. What a disappointment that she still acts like a Malibu bimbo after all this time. I'd rather hang out with Paris Hilton. Not even joking in the slightest.

On a more serious note... I have some terrible news-

About a week ago, I  may have *definitely* inadvertantly murdered Himiko Toga. The means by which this happened are somewhat tangled in the fact that I don't talk much about the time I spend in the My Hero Academia world, because only recently have I begun to stick around for more than just a contract fee.

I keep in touch with Katsuki and obviously Keigo, regularly, but a little while back, I was just thinking one day that those 16 year old horny kids living all in a co-ed dorm wasn't the fucking move. I was like "WTF is UA doing? They don't even have a dorm mother to keep them from going wild."

I would show up from time to time, having only become familiar with the other students from them seeing me at a distance at first, and then around Aizawa and Katsuki, and possibly early on in tabloids with Hawks 🙄😫.

Anyway I took it upon myself to assign myself as their dorm mother, and as soon as I did, they all seemed spooked- like I thwarted their plans to all get laid. Everyone but Ochaco looked like the wind was taken out of their sails, but she just looked more determined than ever to try and get around me as an obstacle, maybe as some way to train her quirk? But she wanted into Deku's room like a ninja.

Bakugo had also taking a little bit of a liking to Ochaco, not more than friends, though, but more than he used to. He also had started taking a liking to Asui (a little more than friends) after he saw her beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker and thought she was cool enough to hang out with him.

So everything changed about a week ago, when I attached a portal to Deku like a drone. At the time he was training and I opened the other end of the portal in front of Himiko. I think I just wanted to see what she'd do...I didn't expect her to jump through like a thirsty demon without even thinking and start pulling his pants off and trying to blow him.

Deku didn't know what the fuck was happening, he was mid-jump in the air when she intercepted him and in an instant moment of reaction he smashed that like button on the top of her head and her face just kinda....exploded... in the concrete imprint it left in the ground.

 There were definitely fractured pieces of her skull skipping to my lou on the pavement while Deku's eyes slowly came back into focus and he saw me looking at him from the other side of the gateway like O_O.

He freaked, as you might imagine, but when he got back home, that was when Ochaco started looking really aggressive like 

"Yeah..Fuck yeah, Deku."

He was weeping about it though and super scared of his quirk. He didn't want anyone to be near him etc... Oh. I know you think I'm being an ass, but wait.. JUST WAIT. It's important!

Bakugo comes to the rescue being a good BFF and basically tells him he had no choice, it was instinct and it takes that kind of instant judgment to be a good hero. Its one more villain down in the grand scheme and he leaves him with that thought. I see Deku's head slump down while his elbows resting on his knees and tears are streaming down his face. His shoulders start shaking and I'm like 'This boy does not have the heart for this.' and he gradually raises his head with tears still streaming, laughing harder and harder  with each passing second like a maniac, then he whispers  "...of course she deserved it."

Creepy.

After that I remember him having a nightmare where there were 2 of him. One who wanted to master the quirk and one who felt too guuilty to ever use it again. And I HIGH-KEY think his personality split. Because the aggressive one won out.

The next day... or a couple, he had more or less seemed psychologically recovered on the surface. He was a little more withdrawn than usual- retreating into his bedroom early, actually doing all his homework, laundry, dishes, etc... and then -and I know I left all this out- but just take what I'm saying to you at face value-

He learnt Bakugo's weakness entirely by chance. 

His mother. 

"How simple." you say, "Every man's mother is his weakness."

Nah. Bakugo is kinda hot for his mom. He has sincerely been in love with her for, like, ever. That's why she roughhouses him, and why she always did- because as soon as he was old enough to make explosions with his hands, he was asserting his dominance in that house like a mad dog ESPECIALLY toward his father. To this day the man simply does not talk back, and when Katsuki gets fresh with his mama, SHE be whuppin' his ass.

So when UA needed to move the students to the dorms she was EAGER to get him out of the house because he's hitting puberty and getting fucking strong. She knows he's just like that, but she discouraged it his entire life, as much as she could without any reinforcement from his father who just feels like an unlucky sperm donor because that's what Katsuki calls him.

He loves his mom though, almost to the point where he really doesn't see any other women and that was another reason she basically was like "Okay go board at the school. Love you bye; dont get any girls pregnant."

I know it sounds dysfunctional, but Mitsuki's love for her son is perfectly healthy. Katsuki, on the other hand, wasn't even really having a hard time with his feelings. He, personally, doesn't have any reservations in his heart. It was just kinda like in his mind he was waiting to be old enough to confess seriously to his mom. Every time he'd go visit home it was "Hi son I missed you" for all of 15 minutes and he would try and graze a titty or some shit that would get him popped and put out again. He didnt give a fuck his daddy was right there he just called him a cuck.

SOOOOO like, again, Katsuki sees nothing wrong with his feelings toward his mother. Last night as we were sitting in the common area, Ochaco, Mineta, and Hagakure (the invisible girl) were telling me, Baphomet (their dorm mother) about how Kirishima is actually super secretive and sneaky (nobody knows where he goes or what he gets up to) but they're pretty confident that he is actually gay because he flirts with Bakugo in the weirdest ways like its just to get him to sweat.

I was laughing but they emphasized that it was "Weird" and honestly made them uncomfortable for the singular reason that they felt unsafe. It was like Kirishima wanted to test his indestructability and so did Bakugo, so they have a weird fucking flirtationship based on that and somebody was like "...sometimes you think they wanna start making out"

and Bakugo just blurted out "Pfft, it's not like he's my mom!"

I was like O_O DAMN SON!

He instantly looked like he was hit by a brick and his mama was like "Oh Hell naw!"

Even though she was all the way at home at the time, her intuition fired the fuck OFF and she started throwing all his clothes out the window. I let him know. He panicked.

His peers, looked momentarily shocked for the briefest of moments, then Mineta remembered what Katsuki's mom looks like, then looked at Bakugo and shrugged it off as if it all made perfect sense to explain ALL OF THAT:

The rage displacement

Actually, Rei, Todoroki's mother mentioned it to me at Keigo and Pocahontas wedding. I made a comment about how she must be so scared about Shoto being in constant danger while training to be a hero and she gently stroked the top of his head with a smile and said:

"Yeah, but I'll be happy when he gets a little older and I wont'have to worry when he starts raging."

I laughed and was like what? and she said all the Todoroki men go through it. Natsu looked super embarassed and shrieked that he did no such thing, and then she pointed out from ages 18-22 he was trying to fuck and fight EVERYTTTHHIIIINNGGG.

He shut up but he was shaking his head furiously as if he was trying to forget it and she said Enji had it too back at that age and then ended it with a very pointed: 

"LOOK AT TOUYA!" to which she went back to stroking her baby boy's head and smiling, looking at him lovingly and knowing he would defintely hit that same spike in fire-fueled rage in just a few years time.

Now, looking at Katsuki under the same lens it's all starting to make sense. Quirks are dangerous and unpredictable- and his lucky or unlucky combination of genes (depending on how you look at it) is a direct result of his dad's acid sweat and his mom, whose skin secretes glycerin, so she looks like a fucking 15 year old with 'goddess tits' (his words) and only reminds him of how (literally and figuratively) hot he is by being a clone.

In a moment of abject panic, Katsuki pulls out his phone and is fumbling it like its on fire looking at me and begging me to give him some solution.

"Uhh... maybe don't go over there?"

He growled and ran away, disappearing from me as he turned down the hall leading to the dorms. He ran into Deku's room to see him sitting on his bed intently focused on some math homework and nearly dropped his phone as he stepped into his room begging Deku to call his mom. 

"She always said you were the good one and she likes you- can you just tell her I'm not a bad son?!"

Deku slowly looks up from his homework, a wicked grin creeps up the corners of his lips, his eyes glow green as he makes eye contact with Katsuki and says slowly and deliberately:

"I'm going to fuck your mom." and then held out his hand for Katsuki's phone.

Bakugo short circuited. It was like he imploded. He got SO HOT he started actually losing energy from sweating/smoking profusely and actually NOT EXPLODING- because he was so pissed, and he lost a ton of energy, holding it back. His growling and shrieking sounded like some kind of angry vicious caged animal, but it was so intense, it exhausted him almost instantly. He slowly turned around, slamming Dekus door and he stomped heavy footsteps back to his own dorm, looking furious, yes, but masking his exhaustion with that wide, tough gait, because as soon as he closed his bedroom door, he collapsed, passing the fuck out so hard he COULDN'T wake back up.

At this point, I'm a little shook. I can't believe Deku, frankly and so he gets up to leave looking all smug and shit and he pulls out his phone to call Mitsuki. I stop him.

"Hey, this isn't you."

He just gives me this sarcastic side-eye and says something to the effect of "I'm just trying to be like you."

It's giving me chills thinking about the way his eyes were trained on me when he said it. I told him he couldn't leave the dorm. He walked outside.

I sent my dragon, Bones, after him, surveilling him from the brush off the brick path that led away from the dorms, when Deku sighed and turned around saying,

"I actually came out here because I wanted to fight you."

"Me? Why me?"

"You're pretty powerful, so I want to test my strength."

"Deku, I could kill you by accident if I make my dragon impermeable at the wrong time, it's too risky."

"You won't be able to stop me if you don't try." He said smiling like a demon.

Bones is friendly like a dog, really, and he knows Deku. Deku just kinda sat down in the middle of the sidewalk and rested his elbows on his knees and Bones came up to him like a dog wanting pets, when in an instant, Deku smashed Bones skull into the ground, returning him in a swath of black smoke, to Shinigami realm, within me. 

I passed out instantly.

Bakugo and I could not wake up. I could watch Izuku blurrily and distantly walk up to Mitsuki's door and knock. I saw her open it, unexpectingly surprised and happily invite him in, asking if he wanted some tea and this nigga said :

"How about some macaroni...in a pot?"

Bakugou started shrieking at peak devastation in the back of my mind when the passion sounds started, so I muted the scene. I couldn't bear to watch. He broke all the way down. He was crying so hard. It was all I could do to console him and still,  neither one of us were able to make it back for hours.

After Mitsuki, Deku subequently caught 3 more bodies that same day, who shall remain unnamed for now... but he's using sex as a weapon to master his quirk and I'm pissed, because I'm to blame. 

I'm to blame.

I hope I can make it up to Katsuki somehow...